@The-red-centaur Really heart breaking to read your post, I feel for you. I'm in awe you even found the strength to make such a big change for yourself and applaud the effort. Moving across country is terrifying for anyone, putting aside the baggage you're carrying, moving at all is stressful. Putting two stressful things together (dealing with past trauma) and moving across country, I think it's perfectly normal you're feeling overwhelmed. You've taken steps to make changes in your life and I can only see that as a positive.
Did you end up meeting these family members you mentioned? Did meeting them bring up some old stuff for you? Or is it possible to reach out to them for some support?
@The-red-centaur wrote:
My life can't be fixed.
so why am I trying to do about that and do something different. Like there is no point.
This 👆 is exactly what we were talking about over here: Views on Depression and how harmful the concept of being "fixed" is for people with tramua. I personally don't believe in being "fixed". I believe in management. There's ups and downs and there's no expectation that I will ever not experience the effects of childhood trauma. While I don't see it as something I can (or should) "fix". I can learn to manage the shitty times so I can experience good times.
Have you ever seen a therapist who specialises in trauma?
If you're feeling stuck in the city and want to go back to where you were, perhaps applying for financial hardship at centrelink might be worth a look into? I think they also provide financial support and health services for those in crisis.
I'm wondering if being isolated and feeling that lack of support in a new city is digging up the old feelings relating to your past? If present day you is feeling the same things as little you did, it can kind of get all twisted together and intensify everything--like reliving the past trauma in the present day.
There is also another thread running that you may want to post in Survivors of Childhood Abuse Though I'm not sure if it's relevant to your particular situation, but if it feels right drop a comment in there and lean on those of us who struggle with childhood trauma.
We're all here for you, wishing you all the best
