Lived Experience Forum

[unknown]

hi @Former-Member yes it was alot more than expected i would get and thats really great 🙂

hi @Shaz51 nice to meet you too 🙂

[Mazarita]

@unknown, I'm familiar with that giddy 'crush' feeling, with both men and women. I also had a year-long relationship quite some time ago with someone who was physically male but identified more as female. These days I am celibate and have a male hetero companion who is the same. For me, sexuality is something that has changed over time too (I'm now 54). 

I like the way that @utopia talks about this too as mostly being about the person rather than their gender. Similar to this, I know people who, although their sexuality might be 'fluid', prefer not to label themselves with anything at all. After all, sexuality is just one part of life and doesn't define the whole of who we are (just as mental illness is just one part of us when we have that too).

As has been mentioned before, you do sound very aware of yourself with it, which is really helpful for your ongoing explorations.

[CheerBear]

Hi again @unkown - great to see you back. I've found it really good to read the responses too. You've raised a really interesting topic.

I googled those terms and on a quick google again there's heaps of interesting conversations happening about it. Google images also has some great infographics too for a quick and easy look 🙂

[unknown]

oh ok @Mazarita how did you go about exploring abit more with the feelings... did you like test them out as in see if the feelings were mutual between u and the other person...? or what sort of things did you do?

i was diagnosed with depression as well but im seeming to come through abit of the light now and starting to get out in the world abit

i dont really 'feel' any difference. its not making a huge difference to who i am its just got me thinking about options and how to explore them abit more.

[unknown]

oh wow thanks @CheerBear 

you said that youve been interested in this topic as well and had experince in this sort of thing, im wondering as i asked Mazarita how did you go about exploring abit more with the feelings... did you like test them out as in see if the feelings were mutual between u and the other person...? or what sort of things did you do?

[Mazarita]

@unknown, just as it's not really easy to describe how to approach someone of the opposite sex, I don't have an easy answer to how to approach attractions to the same sex. There hasn't really been a recipe for me and each instance has been different. In some instances, it's become apparent that there was a mutual attraction happening. Same as when I've been attracted to men. However, I recognise that it is a bit harder with someone of the same sex because not everyone is that way inclined and some can be quite offput if approached in that way. I suggest above all trying to be sensitive to the cues from this person. Non verbal language speaks volumes.

But maybe it would help give you a better answer to this if you talk in a bit more detail about the specific situation you are in with this woman. For example, how did you meet; how often do you see each other; have you had any inkling there may be a mutual feeling there with her?

[utopia]

@unknown. I love how you talk about 'giddy crush' feeling.
This woman, is she someone you can talk with, open up to? Maybe you could talk about feelings and sexuality and sensuality and 'crushes' and gender identity and other topics - with this woman or in a group of friends that includes her.
I think you'd be surprised just how many people have 'attractions' to someone of the same sex.
All relationships, including friendships, start with conversations.

[unknown]

Hi @Mazarita and @utopia thank you for both replying 🙂

ok so we met at an interest group- well kinda. One of my other friends has horses and like to go and see the local competition at shows. She asked if I would like to go im not really into horses but I said yes as it would be a new experience for me. So anyhow we went to the local show and we were watching the local competiton and soon found that my friends friend was there competing that day and we decided to hang around and watch some of her classes. During the break my friend introduced me to her friend and she was really nice and she let me pat and help her brush her horse during the lunch break.
We dont really get to see each other that much, I just have her on my fb, really the only time I get to see her is if shes in my area for horse shows so pretty much twice a year. But I still have her on facebook and I watch the videos that she puts up of her riding her horses and pictures as well.
And the more I watch and when I see her and get to knw her the more feelings I seem to have...

it didnt quite start like it I just thought she was nice but I dont know strange feelings are stirring up for her. and ive even taken more of an interst in both my friends hobby and my friend i get to see more often has been teaching me about horses and the equipment and things that they use on them

hi also to @Shaz51@Former-Member@CheerBear 🙂 🙂

[Mazarita]

Hi again @unknown, this is probably not what you are going to want to hear. But that situation sounds difficult to progress because you only see this woman about twice a year. It does sound more like a crush, as you don't  know her very well at all yet. Mostly what you are responding to is FB, which is usually where people present the best of themselves, and not all those things that might make us more human, real and ordinary (and possibly annoying, hehe). The first step in progressing something like this would be to get to know the woman better in a real life way, not on FB. 

The positive part of it all seems to be that you are developing a new interest in horses (beautiful creatures that they are). And you are becoming aware of an aspect of your sexuality that may arise again in future. I honestly don't think this one is going to move forward but think it's lovely that you are discovering things about yourself in the process. Hope it's not too disappointing to read this. Either way, I really wish you well for the future. 

[unknown]

hi @Mazarita 

no i really appreciate your honesty

i know the relationship probaly wouldnt work just becasue of the situation but i was trying to figure out my feelings towards her.

it it ok to still feel attracted to both men and women? i dont have fantasies or anything its just this giddy feeling. im automatically drawn to her for some reason but im not too sure why.

even though i know it wont work out but as you said its good to explore and be curious about life and the way we are and also im starting to like horses. im not sure about riding yet but holding onto the lead rope for my friends is ok and helping her take them for walks in the paddock is nice too