Lived Experience Forum

[Quinn6]

I heard a voice in my head yesterday, one I've only heard one time before.

When I have panic attacks or dissociate, my brain feels entirely empty. I'm subconsciously aware of everything around me, but I can't interact with anything or speak. One day last year when I was hyperventilating, I heard a voice say something like "it's okay just breathe Quinn." it was the most comforting thing I've ever been told while in that headspace, but it was coming from my own head. I hadn't heard that voice for over a year until yesterday. I was venting in my diary, and it turned from one train of consciousness into a 2-way conversation. the very last few lines are what concern me the most:

"I'm scared

I know Quinn but ill always be here

who are you?

I don't know, but that's okay, I'm still real

really?

yes. I've always been here and always will be. now calm yourself and breathe."


I have never experienced this before, and I'm starting to worry. I've done a little bit of research into DID and I have a few of the symptoms: I have dissociative amnesia for both traumatic and daily events, all my significant trauma was before I was 10, I have age regressed after a panic attack, I've heard someone who is not me talking in my head, and when I look at myself in the mirror I don't always recognize myself.  sure, age regression could just be a trauma response, my dissociation could just be another type of undiagnosed dissociative disorder, the voice could be an auditory hallucination, my not remembering childhood trauma could be a trauma response, but they are all symptoms of DID and im starting to overthink what it all means. 

i dissociate quite often, and my friends have often witnessed it. the quotes are from my friends

sometimes i "move (my) mouth like (I'm) speaking but there's no sound", i am frozen in place, sometimes i can nod or shake my head when asked questions, but "Other than that (I'm) in a complete trance, like a charmed snake" the episodes last for "anywhere between 2 minutes to 20", and they have noticed it for at least a year. neither me nor any of my friends can find a consistent trigger, they always seem to happen out of nowhere. 

if anyone knows whats going on, or has questions i should answer to help better explain the situation, please let me know. 

[TideisTurning]

Hi there @Quinn6, welcome to the Forums! I'm TideisTurning and I'm one of the Peer Support Workers here 😊Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with us. It sounds like what you've been experiencing has been quite distressing for you and I can understanding wanting an answer or explanation about what may be happening. I want to strongly encourage you to reach out to a support professional if you haven't done so already. Someone like a GP would be best placed to support you further and provide referrals to others more specialised in things like mental health and DID. 

I'm also going to tag a few who may be able to share more on dissociation & their ways of coping with those kinds of experiences @Fluttershy1 @destructive @Unlonely1 @MySunrise @Bellarose75 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Quinn6 , it's good to have you here!

I can't tell you whether it's DID or psychosis, but do you have a psychologist or psychiatrist? 

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 🙂

I hope you find the forums supportive...

[Willy73]

Hi @Quinn6 

Have you ever considered that you may be having a partial or focal seizure? My son has epilepsy so the symptoms you listed below are very similar. I had a quick look on google and it’s also possible to have DID and epilepsy. Sometimes it’s good to see a trusted doctor to make sure you don’t have any underlying health concerns. 

Sorry, don’t want to worry you more, but sometimes what is happening mentally can be a direct result of what is happening physically. PS my son’s epilepsy is now under control and he hasn’t had a fit in 4 years.

[Porcini]

@Quinn6 That sounds rough. At least the voice is comforting and seems to be looking out for you. 

DID and other dissociative disorders are very complex. I agree with previous posts that starting with a GP is a good idea. They can refer you to a specialist psychiatrist or to get other testing done, for example to rule out epilepsy as previously stated.

You aren't alone, there is help and hope out there.

[justanotherguy]

Hi @Quinn6 , I agree with @Porcini , self diagnosis can make you even more confused, it's best to talk to a mental health professional to discuss possible diagnoses.