Lived Experience Forum

[welcome_snacks]

Hey everyone, feeling a little silly this morning.  I've travelled to another state to reconnect with a friend, attend an event and just generally hang out.  I had thought this was going to be healing, or fix something but instead my anxiety has left me basically unable to speak to him, my depression is on full swing, and I've got a fat lip from falling up the stairs to boot.  My wife is here thankfully because she's carrying the conversation and making decisions etc.  I feel like I've set myself up to fail, and am falling onto this trap of comparing myself  and getting jealous of the success he has, and then bring disgusted with myself for feeling that way.  1 star, do not reccomended, expensive way to have an anxiety attack

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @welcome_snacks,

Sounds like you are really having a rough time at the moment. What a shame because the idea of meeting up with your friend, travelling and attending an event sounded like a good idea. The thing about good ideas (at least in my experience) is that they don't always align with what we thought they would. Annoying thing about anxiety and depression is that it isn't considerate and often appears at the worst and most unexpected times. I feel for you, because I have had this happen to me on occasion. Have you ever heard about the flight, fight or freeze response? Depending on the circumstance I have been know to feel each of these responses.

I hear you when you talk about comparing yourself to others - I think it is a very normal human response to feel that way. What I try to remind myself when I think like that is that we are all different, with different stories, experiences and walked paths so to compare ourselves to another isn't a fair comparison. My experience has also lead me to believe that most people just project their good stories and omit their bad ones so we only get an edited version of someone. I'm glad to read you wife is their to help you out - she sounds like a great support.

Hopefully the trip will improve and the one star experience can move up a little 🙂

Best wishes, 

FloatingFeather

[hanami]

Hi @welcome_snacks 

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear of this anxiety attack. Not nice at all. You probably know the saying 'comparison is the thief of joy'. It's so true. I remember being a teenager and comparing myself to the most popular people and wishing I could be more like them. Oh the sadness it caused. I'm 52 now and I would say it took me until my 40s to stop comparing myself to others. It's not easy. 

I hope your trip improves. Can you talk to your wife about how you're feeling? 

I do hope by the end of it you rate it a much better 3 stars at least. Take each moment as it comes and focus on your good qualities which I just know that you have!

Hanami 

[welcome_snacks]

Thanks @FloatingFeather, it's silly because since reconnecting we've been in constant contact via message, and I know he really appreciates us coming, I had just blown it up to be something it was never going to be. 

I know the flight, fight it freeze all too well, I like to think that my reflex is fight, but history would say I'm very much a freezer.  

I agree about the impression people put out.  And I'm really lucky he understands my MH is a bit of a dumpster fire, and whilst he doesn't know how to deal with that he's happy to take my lead if I need to just sit quietly or withdraw.  It's just really cemented that I'm not getting that time back when we were teenagers full of dreams.  

[welcome_snacks]

Thanks @hanami, it really is a hard one to give up.  It's hard too because it's not his success I'm getting old green eyes over, it's the relationships he's developed and the rich range of people around him, I wish I had those kinds of support networks. 

I've had a chat to my wife, let her know I'm knot at my peak, but I'm trying not to weigh her down though, we're all mutual friends and I don't want to have things complicated for her.  There's also the inevitable 'I told you so' I'll get when she realised how badly my MH is being knocked, because she tried to talk me out of the trip twice and I rattled off all these benefits of me going, and told her I would go without her if she didn't want to go.  Will leave that one for home soil I think.  Today should be ok, we're having a hang out day, watching a movie at home etc.  I'm just regretting letting it get to me like this is all

[hanami]

Oh yep the good old 'I told you so' from your wife/husband/partner....it's not something forward to! My husband loves the 'I told you so' moments because (he says) they are rare because he's never right lol. Seriously though, yep it's a hard thing to give up, comparing ourselves. 

I'm glad today is going ok!

Hanami 💮