Hey @TheVorticon I've read your thread with keen interest and there's alarm bells ringing for me left right and centre.
Let me know how you're going, I hope you are coping and are safe this evening.
If you are able to elaborate and expand on what is going on between your psych and counsellor. I'm not sure what they've deemed as being "your fault" but absolutely no therapist should be insinuating this at all! As many good psychologists as there are out there, there's a whole butt load that aren't, and some are dangerous in these roles. We come to therapy in the hopes of placing our trust in someone and confiding in them. We need assurance, validation, understanding, and gentle guidance from our therapists. If a therapist is telling someone they are "challenging" they're immediately removing themselves from any responsibility they have to their client! Whether a client is easy to work with or not--I can't imagine any of us are to be honest--comments like that are damaging! If a therapist isn't able to help a client, they're obligated to refer you on to someone who is more appropriately equipped to deal with the issues at hand. We all have different needs and require different levels of care from our therapists, some psychologists are simply not capable of helping because they lack the education and experience to be of any help. It is not at all a reflection on you, and I can't stress enough what a red flag a comment like this is for me.
I've seen maybe half a dozen different shrinks in my time, and only one of them has been able to help me. One size does not fit all, and even if someone is "equipped" to help deal with your situation, it still doesn't mean they will be a good fit.
The dynamic between you and your psychologist is worrying to me, it quite honestly sounds like they are--either intentionally or not--feeding those thoughts of not being worthy.
I'd really encourage you to step back from this therapist and take some time to ask yourself a few questions:
> Why did you first start seeing a psychologist?
> What did you hope to gain from your sessions?
Then jump on to google and do a search for psychologists in your area. All psychologists have special fields of interest, and there is one out there that is capable of treating you with patience and kindness while providing effective treatment. For example, my well meaning GP referred me onto a psychologist who had no experience or interest in dealing with complex trauma. So I did a google search and managed to find one that sounded like a good fit to me. I went back to my GP and instructed her to refer me to him. Sometimes they need to just be told.
I don't believe therapists should ever say anything critical to patients. That only serves to foster a hostile environment and is such a dangerous approach to take when dealing with fragile and influential minds. My psych is someone who I've been seeing for 2 years now and he's never said an unkind word to me--even when I had a slip of the tongue and said I'd like to punch him--of course that was a terrible thing to say and I really didn't mean it at all. Even after me giving him an easy out to have a go at me, he didn't. He is very patient, forgiving, kind and understanding. He is not at all like the other psychs I met with, and until I did meet with him, I was sure no such person existed. So I implore you to consider seeing someone who will do a better job at managing you and your needs.
I'm not sure what the context is behind your being "challenging", but that is so far over the line to say to a client, I can't even.
