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17-05-2019 12:46 PM
17-05-2019 12:46 PM
setting boundaries and moving forward with BPD sister
Hi. My sister displays many of the characteristics of BDP. After years of trying to help her (not very effectively) I am finally trying to set us on a new, kinder and more compassionate path. I sent an email that explained the impact her actions have on me, and told her I didn't want our relationship to continue on its current path. I provided a few examples and also told her she was very important to me and that I loved her. she responded in an unexpected way - she called, was very emotional but actually asked some questions. She tried gently pressing a few buttons (eg telling me she had considered self-harm and had a plan) but stopped when I didn't respond. She was genuinely (I think) shocked that she has had this impact on me for so long, and I acknowledged that I had handled things badly by not talking to her about it.
she lives interstate and I am flying to see her this weekend in hope we can start to set a new course. I have no idea what I'll be walking into. There's certainly no guarantee it won't be hostility, blame and 'well you've done this to me'.
Has anyone been down this road? I'd love some tips about how to manage what will be a very emotionally charged situation. i just want to have a good relationship - not one where I'm adored one minute and hated the next.
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18-05-2019 08:56 AM
18-05-2019 08:56 AM
Re: setting boundaries and moving forward with BPD sister
Welcome to the forums @firststep and what a powerful share to begin with. That sounds like you've made a good move towards healing with your sister, open communication with love and kindness. We really hope the weekend goes well for you Please let us know how it goes! Any relationship that involves two people is going to involve some ups and downs, but the approach you're taking should reduce the extremes because you'll both be able to talk through situations. How are you feeling today?
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18-05-2019 11:02 AM
18-05-2019 11:02 AM
Re: setting boundaries and moving forward with BPD sister
I feel scared and concerned that when we see each other tomorrow we’ll slip into the old pattern. I’ve been doing a lot of reading - I’ve found Out of the FOG really helpful, as I’m sure many others have.
thankyou for your support.
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18-05-2019 05:37 PM
18-05-2019 05:37 PM
Re: setting boundaries and moving forward with BPD sister
Hi @firststep and welcome
It is good to hear that the initial response from your sister was ok.
I support my wife who lives with BPD, different dynamic but you may find some value in a thread here where I talk about some of our trials and the implementing of boundaries in our home. First couple of pages are probably the most useful for you. I am more than happy to answer any questions that you have the best I can.
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21-05-2019 09:41 PM
21-05-2019 09:41 PM
Re: setting boundaries and moving forward with BPD sister
Wondering how your day with your sister was @firststep, hope you were able to continue moving forward with your relationship.