Lived Experience Forum

[eudemonism]

@Meowmythe medication their giving me screws with my entire body and brain. And it makes me really unhealthy. Incapacitate me actually. And I'm not happy about it. They're not about making me healthy. They're about controlling my health in a negative way.

It makes it impossible to live upto their 'expectations'

[Meowmy]

@eudemonism I would probably put up with the meds for a while because it can take time for it to work. If really not helping, ask them to consider changing the meds.

[Meowmy]

@Serenity1 How are you traveling ? Hope things are ok with you and your daughter. I am having lots of troubles with my mum. I find it hard to care for her as she is so selfish and was abusive to me. I am learning to accept my situation. It is so hard. My depression is coming back again.

[Serenity1]

Hi @Meowmy Iam struggling-
I'm finding each day harder than the last-
I can relate- it is really difficult/ impossible for me to be caring towards my father- when he has been so abusive & neglectful & abandoned me during my childhood & whole life- it is so triggering & sends me into a downward spiral into severe depression every single time I have contact - so I avoid contact & then feel sooooo guilty- even though I should not feel guilty in the slightest.
What troubles are you having with your mum? Are you he Carer? Do you live with her? Sorry to hear your depression is returning- but I can totally relate-
I don't think mine will ever go away- I am not finding joy in anything anymore & am wasting away because I can't eat properly or sleep- I'm here if you want to talk about things- it may just take me a while to get back because I have my daughter -💖🌺

[Meowmy]

@Serenity1 @The worst with me is that when I feel extreme pains, I become psychotic and lose everything including my job. I try not to go there.

[Meowmy]

@Serenity1 very hard for us who had very bad and difficult parents. They didn’t support us to reach somewhere we can connect with others and be supported and nourished. Now I am just hanging ,struggling to survive day to day. Think it will take time for us to be connected to some group of caring supportive people in the real world. At least you have your daughter. But that also add to your challenges.

So hard. Sometimes, a lot of times, I just want to end it. I wish I was never born.Definitely to such selfish and controlling parents. We have been struggling for so long. And can hardly survive.  Let alone thrive. Hope to feel better soon.

[Serenity1]

@Meowmy I'm so sorry to hear that- it is not fair-& I really feel for you & I don't think I have become psychotic-I don't really know what that means- I just isolate & become overwhelmed with agoraphobia don't know who to trust- can't trust anyone BCAUSE if u can't trust ur own parents & family who can u trust. & feel like I don't want to live 💖 Are you okay now?

[Serenity1]

Exactly 💯 @Meowmy

[Meowmy]

@Serenity1 @I think we feel so bad and not wanting to live because we can’t connect properly to people and live normally ,relate normally. I am very isolated as well. Live in one corner struggling to survive. Psychosis means I was so confused, not making any sense that they took me to hospital. We have it bad. To be born such parents. Unhappy, sad, isolated and lonely. I try to look positive, live positive because I know I am not like my parents. I am not selfish or controlling to others. I thought deserve just the same as those who were born to great parents. I tried so hard to make myself a better person, better worker, better friend. But may be fate has us just down and doomed because of our parents. 

[Serenity1]

Oh @Meowmy yes I feel & agree with everything you have said 💖 Were your parents NARCISSITS because that is the family dynamic I grew up in - I'm the scapegoat/ black sheep-& it completely messes with your entire sense of reality- & you don't know what is real anymore, because they want it this way , & because they brainwash, confuse & groom you & you grow up in constant chaos & fear -- I am sorry your suffering- 💖 I am sick of living in fear- always waiting for something bad to happen- I really have lost the will to live & am only surviving at this stage for my daughter- because I could never leave her alone she only has me-- I hope you find some peace today 💖