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30-08-2020 02:34 PM
30-08-2020 02:34 PM
How to accept
So my daughter has been homeless and living on the streets for the past 2 weeks and refuses to communicate with me. Nobody is any longer able to give her a couch for the night as her friends just can't handle her mental illness nor should they have to. I received a message on Wednesday morning telling me that she is looking very gaunt and confused and sleeping on a lounge at a local pub during the day. I rang an ambulance. They attende, spoke to her and drove away. Calls the following day to tell me she had been standing outside a railway station all night and was still there the following morning. Was refusing help or food from those who know her. Last night I finally get a message saying police have intervened and she is now in hospital again. A call to the hospital and am told cannot discuss anything with you as she has not nominated me as a carer and no does not want to speak with you. I simply don't understand this system. I am so tired of the worry and helplessness I feel and am constantly being told to let it go, don't let it get to you. Oh my, the anguish of it all.
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01-09-2020 06:55 PM
01-09-2020 06:55 PM
Re: How to accept
Ooooh @Krishna
It is not an acceptable situation for a parent to be told of their child's suffering, but not able to help or reduce it. It would be excruciating. I understand the legalities and the services rationales, but not sure that "acceptance" is the best way forward. I have felt more upset at times when told to accept tragic circumstances. It often means the person does not want to listen any more or does not understand. A sense of calm or stoicism or resignation may gradually develop, that might be termed "acceptance", but it is not a switch on or off type of thing.
Take Care of you and the things you can nourish.
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01-09-2020 09:19 PM
01-09-2020 09:19 PM
Re: How to accept
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03-09-2020 12:42 PM
03-09-2020 12:42 PM
Re: How to accept
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17-09-2020 07:22 AM
17-09-2020 07:22 AM
Re: How to accept
I understand this pain!!!
My son is in a similar situation and having no information while not being able to assist brings a range of emotions, it's a grieving process for me as he attempts to find his independence. From a little research I discovered when we have no information the brain's usual response is to fill in the blanks, it's a completely normal response but not helpful for us or our loved ones. I have no control over the situation with my son so I write in my journal often to dump out the thoughts that swirl around the head, let the thoughts flow onto the page, and have a good cry, I find this is a great releases of emotion and then I can carry on with my day. You are not alone! 💕
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26-09-2020 06:04 PM
26-09-2020 06:04 PM
Re: How to accept
Hi Krishna,
yes the anguish, grief and sense of failure we parents have is overwhelming. I hear you. My daughter left home at 16, 3-4 months ago. I did not hear from her for 6 weeks and had no way of knowing what was happening with her. Its a terrible time.
What helped me through this, well, helped me cope (as is there ever a through this?) is the thought that this is about her rather than me. The feelings of grief, worry and loss are mine. I don't know what she is feeling but I know it was bad enough for her to leave. When I get caught up in my own emotions if I change the perspective it makes it easier to accept. In the meantime I am seeking counselling for the "me stuff"to help me resolve those feelings.
Legally I am still my daughter's legal guardian, but she wants to be her own person and I have to accept that, which is difficult after a sudden end to so many years of being there and caring first hand. She has been in hospital, and had some very rough experiences since her departure, which I have heard about second hand and over which I have no control. In the meantime I send her texts and messges to keep the door open and to let her know I care about her. Sometimes she responds and more often, not, but that's what I do.
Basically it is a waiting game... That's all we have. I try to keep in toch with some of her friends but they also have intermittent contact with her. I have to be happy with that.
My love to you, its hard to deal with and I understand what you are saying and how you are feeling.
xx