Hi all. @Former-Member @NatureLover @Shaz51 @Smc @Windflowers @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Zanylady @Former-Member @Maggie and not sure who else is here.
Firstly let me say that the You Are Not Alone resource looks really good and like it will help many people. I wish there had been something similar available to me and my family when we went through it. Suicide has touched all our lives in varying ways since then too - friends doing it, supporting the close ones of those friends, and more. I sincerely hope the resource will be widely available and easily accessed by all going through it. And brought to the awareness of health professionals working in the field including in acute mental health hospitals.
I've struggled to know where to begin in contributing to this discussion all week and may possibly have missed the discussion anyway. I'm a survivor of an attempt 22 years ago (1998) (which included being in a coma for 10 days) and even now I still struggle with the fall-out from it. Twice just this week I've been in conversations about it, one with a new psychologist and the other with my brother. Both of which left me feeling totally drained and questioning my own recollections as opposed to what was reality for others at the time and since. But having to accept that those around me are more likely to be accurate than I am - which is really hard at times, and also working to find a way of letting their truth and mine co-exist without turmoil.
I also know first-hand what it's like to 'come back' to the world feeling angry about failing on top of guilt and shame. And what it's like in the years afterwards when I reached that same dark point but knew I could never put my child and family through it again and felt trapped in this life.
I was released from hospital with absolutely no follow-up care or therapy and ended up back there several times in the following year, and a couple of times since. I have bipolar 1 not diagnosed at the time (I'm 57 and wasn't diagnosed until 2009) on top of complex and chronic PTSD from that and many other traumatic events in my life.
My brother spent years trying to get hospital records to help understand and accept what happened back then and eventually got 1 letter stating that it was the police and not him that had me scheduled time and again.
But I am doing ok now and don't get that way any more (touch wood). I've always been compliant with prescribed meds but it took years to get the right ones and the right balance of them. For many years before diagnosis of bipolar 1 I was prescribed meds that were actually having an adverse response and it took years to prove it. I also have a 'Wellness Recovery Action Plan" (google it, it's really comprehensive and includes crisis, post-crisis and returning to normal sections) which my immediate family here know about, have read, and know where I keep it. Plus I keep daily charts to monitor what my moods are doing and what meds I take when. It's been a long haul but I've been relatively stable for 2 1/2 years now and am starting to make sense of those periods of my life. And feel I have something to offer in the way of support and understanding to other people, both those with si and those who care for them. I've been around the forums on and off since 2014, the very early days, and it's been really good for me both in finding support and understanding and in the self-worth that comes from supporting others.
There is so much more I could write here.
Anyone wanting to continue the discussion please tag me (@Eth) whether it's here or elsewhere on the forums.
