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Joey77
Casual Contributor

New to forum

Hi all - really glad to have stumbled upon this support group.  So I am the full time carer of my 20yr old daughter who has ASD-2, BPD, C-PTSD, anxiety, depression and ADHD.  She has been in and out of a private mental health hospital for the last 2 years. She's back in now - was moved to the ICU not long after admission as she managed to smuggle in a sharp item (how???? I thought they were supposed to do thorough checks!!) and started self-harming [Edited by moderator] again not long after being admitted.  The psychiatrist has been trying all sorts of medications to help stabilise her, plus TMS when in the acute phase of her illness.  I am feeling so heart-broken.

 

It is so hard to watch someone you love and care for do such horrible things to their body and suffering so much pain.  I pray every day for stability and normality. I've put so much of my life on hold for my children, plus invested all my superannuation into buying and training an assistance dog for her and into building her her own tiny house at the rear of my home so she can have her own space and not be triggered constantly by my other younger children (who have their own complex mental health issues). We have a domestic violence history. Their dad has BPD, bipolar 1, ADHD and ASD.  We are now divorced as he would not take his mental health seriously and took everything out on us - unfortunately I stuck it out in the marriage way too long and am paying for it now, as all the kids (and me) have suffered so much - we have all been diagnosed C-PTSD as a result of the family violence.  Anyhoo - cant dwell on the past, can only look to the future now.  In the words of Dory, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" 😄 - J

8 REPLIES 8
Ru-bee
Peer Support Worker

Re: New to forum

Welcome @Joey77 

 

I'm also so glad that you have found this space and have felt able to share. From what you have written here it's clear that you and your family have been through so much. 

 

In reading this I am blown away by the strength that you must have, to support and care for the needs of all of your children. I am wondering who you lean on for support, do you have a good network of family and friends, or perhaps some professional supports? 

Re: New to forum

I have a few emotionally supportive friends. I've recently found a psychologist and will start with her next month. There's only so much that others can do though.  My daughter now has NDIS supports which has been such a big help.  Honestly, the times when she goes into hospital are so helpful too - I can breathe a bit easier knowing she has constant support and supervision in there. Allows me to regroup.  J

Re: New to forum

@Joey77I'm glad you found this forum, it's been a great help for me so I hope you find it helpful as well.  I can't imagine how tough it has been for you and your kids, I don't even like to think about how difficult I would find it in your position.  I con totally understand for the need to 'regroup' every now and then, we all need those opportunities to recharge a little bit.  I don't have much to suggest other than keep up that amazing strength you've already shown.  Hopefully this new psychologist can help your daughter find some balance which I'm would obviously then help everyone.  All the best to you and your family and take good care of yourself as well.

Re: New to forum

Welcome to the forums @Joey77 it's nice to e-meet you, i'm rav3n 😊

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us, like the others have mentioned you've shown so much strength in taking care and supporting your family. I'm glad to see you've found support for yourself too, I hope those psychologist sessions go well. 

Looking forward to seeing you around the forums more 💚

 

also p.s. when you reply to others, you can tag them using the @ and inserting their username - this will ensure they get notified of your response. 

Re: New to forum

Hi @Joey77 

 

Lovely to meet you and so glad that you have found yourself here.  As @Ru-bee said I am also blown away by the strength and resilience that you have shown and what shines through your words.  Hopefully your daughter gets the care that she so desperately needs.  But someone needs to be looking after you too.  What you are going through is huge and having the responsibility of looking after your other kids.  Is there any chance that family and friends can help you out, find some way to share the load, because that is some load that you are balancing.  Please please look after yourself......................Asgard

Re: New to forum

Thanks everyone for your responses, care and concern. My mum is a good support too - however she lives 2.5 hours away and is getting old and not able to help me as much as she used to.  My aunt is closer and supports every now and then (respite).  My friends help out when needed.  As you all know, dealing with loved ones suffering with BPD is complex - not everyone is confident or sometimes even capable with sharing the load - thats where the NDIS has been so great.  Currently waiting for a review (3 months waiting so far) for increased support hours, this will be the key to me getting more time for myself and respite.  On top of everything, I am balancing a Juris Doctor degree online too (this is "me' time :D).  Honestly though, I feel things are starting to balance out now. Well for the moment anyway. Again, thanks for your replies. J

Re: New to forum

Hey @Joey77 just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @Asgard @rav3n @MJG017 @Ru-bee 

 

😊

Re: New to forum

Hi @Joey77 

 

Really good to hear that you have a support network around you to at least lighten the load.  When I was growing up my Dad had end stage MS so my mum was his primary carer and she would have been lost without the 3 weeks of respite care that she got each year.  I was going to say enjoy that 'you' time, but 'wonder woman' that you are, seems to have already allocated that time....lol.................Asgard