Lived Experience Forum

[PinkFlamingo]

Just popping in to say good morning @creative_writer 🙂🌺

I hope you got some sleep 🙂

And I hope your day goes as well as possible, and take good care, go gently sweetheart 💜🤗

[creative_writer]

Hi @PinkFlamingo I hope you are doing well this morning 💖🫂

I slept okay, but woke up on the wrong side of the bed again. I was hoping things would be easier today, but I guess it’ll take a bit longer. Feeling guilty that I let someone destroy me

[lavenderhaze]

Good morning @creative_writer 

I am sorry that you didn't have a good start to the day

I'm here to chat, sitting with you ❤️

[creative_writer]

@lavenderhaze I really do want to move forward, but recently I've become stuck in my mind. I've had very unhelpful thoughts recently and have done what I can to stay safe, but it's hard resisting, I don't want it to be this hard. I feel disappointed because I felt like I was at a point in my life I was progressing, and things were getting easier, it almost feels like I've been re-traumatised. Mood disorder flare up hasn't helped either. I'm doing what I can to process how things came to this, but this I think is best left for discussion in therapy

[lavenderhaze]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It's okay to have those unhelpful thoughts, but it's also great that you're aware of them and taking steps to stay safe.

I can empathise with you - feeling like you were making progress and then hitting a setback can be disheartening, but no journey is linear and it's very human to experience setbacks. It doesn't mean that all the progress you've made is lost or that you're starting from square one. You've already shown so much strength and resilience in getting to where you are now, and I believe you have the strength to overcome this obstacle too @creative_writer. ❤️

[creative_writer]

@lavenderhaze I want it to get easier, because I feel like my strength is wearing off, I need some respite from the turmoil in my brain.

It is true recovery isn't linear. I really wasn't expecting being re-traumatised, it just happened. This is not where I want to be right now, I have the pressures of uni right now, and placement starting up next month. I've had to increase my meds dose two times this year and I really don't want to have to increase it again, but it feels like my MH is still deteriorating so I don't know how much choice I have. I guess I could try taking PRN for a few days to see if it settles, but if symptoms return, it may mean the PRN needs to be a regular

[lavenderhaze]

I can imagine @creative_writer, it must take so much energy to navigate these thoughts.

You have a lot on your plate right now. When is your next appointment with your psych?

Can you talk to them about what's happening?

[creative_writer]

@lavenderhaze it does. I feel tempted to take PRN but I really don't want to doze off. I have an placement thing to attend at 4pm and need to be alert for then, but then I am not really feeling relaxed and I'm super anxious and I need to be focused when I'm there. I'm trying to prepare for the meeting rn by researching into the organisation. Rn I'm just trying to fight urges, a part of me want to let go because it'll give me immediate relief, but then once I relapse, it'll be harder to stop. I also know over time I have affected my feeling on my arm too, so I know there are risks regardless of how safely I try to do it.

I have my next upcoming appointment with my psych on Monday, I don't think I could get a sooner one with public holiday falling in between. I can talk to her about how re-traumatisation may have occurred recently for various reasons

[lavenderhaze]

aw hun @creative_writer sounds like it's been a tough time for you lately

I can imagine fighting off those urges isn't easy. Do you have any alternative coping methods that you can use to release some of those feelings?

I usually blast music and jump around when I am feeling intense emotions. I also use ice on my face to sometimes feel more present in the moment. You could also try journaling if you like?

I hope the appointment comes quickly so you can process some of your big feelings

[creative_writer]

@lavenderhaze I do have alternative ways of coping, I kind of group them in distraction, relaxation and expression. Maybe I need some relaxation, I think maybe bipolar is acting up? I don’t know. I feel this internal turmoil, and these thoughts won’t stop coming. Yet, expressing these thoughts feels too difficult. I have to get ready soon since I’ll be going out to meet the placement team. Kind of nervous for that too