I can’t cope

[AuntGlow]

Please ramble away, I am here for it! @Captain24 💛

Gosh, that would be so so hard to be constantly compared to him... I am so sorry this was your experience. I can imagine it must be quite challenging connecting with him and feeling comfortable with your history. 

(Not so low key love that you're acknowledging your success here by the way - YES!)

You are so giving and kind toward him Captain. 🥺 You deserve that same consideration in return...

Healthy, ah, that must feel really good. 🤩

I saw!! Those pictures are stunning. I have been obsessed with underwater videos over the past couple of days haha so that's really cool!

Oh yes, I have heard that polyps are common. I think monitoring it is the best thing you can do, as it can be many non-concerning things. ☺️

That would be really stressful... I am glad you're seeing your dermatologist. I get lots of skin things too - I am hopeful this is also something benign for you. 🥰

2 weeks is so soon!! I am sure seeing her will be really lovely. 

I just saw this message, and I understand, it would be tough sitting with those feelings without a response straight away. Would you feel comfortable engaging in other threads to maintain connection and grounding? 🫶

[Captain24]

It’s just my life @AuntGlow. It’s always happened as long as I can remember so it’s just standard. It just fits with the whole I was never good enough, I was horrible, I was unwanted, I was stupid. The list goes on.. so to me I don’t know anything else. I just give and don’t get much in return. But that’s me in general. I give a bit to people who ask. If someone needs something I try and help. 

Im trying to do better in acknowledging things. I’m having a bit of help with it all and being recovery focused. 

That place is amazing where the photos were taken. I could go there everyday. 

Yeah they are common and usually nothing so there isn’t really much to worry about other than the appointment is urgent. I’m guessing it could be my age. 

Im not really worried about the spots, they could be anything they just seem strange. I’m guessing she will probably cut them out though. Just wait and see what Monday brings. Theres a few wait and see in my life at the moment. At least the be been distracted for the last week I get home tomorrow afternoon and my gyno appointment is Friday morning early. So know time to think about it. Then I have the weekend to do all my washing and mow the lawns so I’ll be busy before my dermatologist appointment.

Yeah not long to go. It’s been a long time without her but I have managed to make it through. It has been hard at times but I got there. Well almost there. 

It’s ok. I know that you never get back until the end of your shift but just sometimes it would be nice for a check in but I understand you don’t have the time for it so I accept that and am grateful for the response I do receive. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Glad to see you. 

I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I can see how much it would hurt you. I'm glad you were able to pull your mum up about it. 

I wonder if, at some point, you can have a quiet chat to her about how much her comment hurt? I wonder if she just thinks the "bipolar" made you react that way?

Do you think she has very limited understanding?

What would support from the forums look like for you at the moment?

Also, I have to say that the photo you posted in the other thread looks incredible! It's been soooo windy here... I don't think anyone could've gone for a walk!

[Captain24]

She won’t listen, while ever she can hurt someone whether verbally or physically she will. @tyme 

It’s ok I’ll just delete it. I shouldn’t have posted anyway. 

I just wanted to get it out. There is nothing anyone can do so it should be there. I guess I failed the recover focused 

Ot was really windy and hot here too. The sand was just blowing into us, it actually hurt. Jett could barely walk as it was blowing him. But it’s out last night so I was going anyway. 

Hope you are ok

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , no, leave it. It's good to get it out. I just wanted to clarify if there is anything you feel would help from the community. Hope that's okay.

If you step back for a bit, and consider this statement using the logical mind do you think, "while ever she can hurt someone whether verbally or physically she will" - is an everyday reflection? Or only today - after what happened? No need to answer - just to reflect at some point.

Oh! What it hot where you were? No wonder I saw people I was on call with wear summer clothes! I was thinking, "Is it THAT hot?"

I felt I was blowing away today! I could barely walk, let alone Jett!

I've been okay. A lot happening, but I can't complain. Things just happen. 

[Captain24]

I deleted it @tyme. So no one else can make any negative or intimidating comments. 

No it’s pretty standard. Use today triggered the thought but there has been a lot that leads to that statement. I won’t go into detail but it has resulted in bruises. 

my car said it was 39 degrees so yes it was hot. Perfect day for the beach. I did have sun cream on but I still got burnt. 

Anything you want to talk about? 

[AuntGlow]

Hi! @Captain24 💛

Sorry, I only just saw this comment (our system went down last night!)

That would feel so, so heavy... and it would be hard to shift that belief system, especially when it's been reinforced so many times. 

I just want you to know that it is possible. As always, rewiring takes lots of time, patience, and compassion - which I know you're working on. 🥰

Ah, that sounds amazing, I am happy that you're somewhere that feels good for you, lovely. 

You've planned your week really well! I will make sure to check in on Monday. 

Oh, I can absolutely do that!! I usually leave my longer/more detailed responses for when I know I have the best focus (which is always a bit later in my shift!) - never because I don't want to talk to you. I hope that makes sense. 🫶

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , before I go, I'm going to send you a quick email. (You're not in trouble)