Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Anony18]

@pip - Definitely understand your situation and appreciate the advice. As @Faith-and-Hope stated, although it be hard, it is something I will have to consider down the road if as much as I try reach out and try help he doesn't want me there. In a way it is good that my partner has told me about his tragic past of losing loved ones and how he is going through a life crisis and needs time and focus to fix it, ie that he wants to fix it. Though it still does not make it right that he believes that is enough communication and the expectation of me understanding and waiting patiently by. Whether he realises that I am unsure. Hopefully he will reach out soon and we can talk things through so he understands the impact his actions has and eventually trust to confide in me. Of course as much as I reach out and he still isn't willing to talk then I will have to let him go. 

With your dates - don't feel guilty. You deserve to be happy. End of day your own happiness is important. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@pip @Anony18 @Tiggeroo

That's just it .... we are all on a life journey .... there are two people involved here, not just one ..... so it needs to be about both of you, not just one ..... 

Whenever you find it being all about just one, it's time to rethink the relationship, I think ....

There are different ways to do that.  Sometimes it means leaving, moving on.  Other times it means creating more space so both of you can breathe.  Still other times it means that one or both of you have to draw support and interests from outside the core relationship to try to correct the imbalance .... and this is where carers often over-balance.  They can make their whole world about the person they are caring for, but nobody is recharging their own batteries and they eventually run down.

Make yourself busy with other areas of interest, and that might name an dating others, or it might mean more time with friends and family, craft classes, exercise, going to see a movie or a show, buying a pet .... 

Sometimes it just takes hearing someone else say it's okay .... it is important to invest in yourself and support your own feelings too.

🌷

[Anony18]

@Faith-and-Hope@pip@Tiggeroo 

Just an update....so I emailed my partner today happy birthday and he messaged me a few hrs to say thanks and that he will call when things settle down with family. Didn't expect him to call but he rang this evening 🙂 

It was such a relief knowing he is ok. The convo was a quick 10 mins cause he had to go for dinner with family. He sounded positive which is good though think things with the family is complex. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

That's good @Anony18.  I am glad you are feeling better about things ...

Just always remember that you are as important as anyone else you have a r patio ship with, and don't sell yourself short for their happiness .... your own needs must be met as well.  For anything to last, there must be an effort to keep your own balance as individuals, then combine your strengths from that place of personal stability.

Take care ...

🌷

[Tiggeroo]

Hey @Anony18,
Great news!!! Hopefully your partner will learn to let you in a little more instead of shutting off from you, at least that way you will have an understanding of what's going on.
We have had a little crash in our house today and my poor man is just not himself! So we are off to our GP for a check in and to find a new psych as we have just relocated ourselves across the country! I was waiting for this to happen really, our lives have changed so drastically in the last 3 months and he has coped so well until last night! But as always, we will power through! And I'll be smiling, he will probably be scowling like an angry crab but we will get there haha!
I will keep my fingers crossed for you! And remember, You are amazing!
xx
Tigs

[Faith-and-Hope]

So are you @Tiggeroo ....

🌷

[Anony18]

Hey@Tiggeroo

Definitely hope my partner will - or let me rephrase. Tell me some reason why he needs space and communicate a bit more than deal with it himself and then inform me after what been going on....if that makes sense. 

Oh that isn't good but your partner is so lucky to have you around. Let's hope my partner will allow me to be there for him as yours does. I know he isolates himself cause he only wants me to see the happy him, not the scowling, depressed him cause as he puts it "you are far too sweet that I don't to get grumpy at you". Time will tell. 

@Faith-and-Hope - definitely agree with you there and hopefully he will be forthcoming and open with what I have to suggest.

You both are amazing and great inspiration & just like you both, I am hoping i will get there and able strengthen my relationship with my partner in time

xx

Anony

[Shaz51]

Hi @Anony18, that is great news

Hello @Faith-and-Hope, @Tiggeroo, @pip

[pip]

Hi Guys. Heard from my (not sure whether he's an ex or still 'there' bf). He sort of congratulated me for going out, But then indicated that only because of distance between us, we wouldn't have worked. I reckon that's an excuse. The 2nd guy I went out with said if you really want to work, you will. distance is nothing. I had told my previous bf I was prepared to move interstate if necessary, or we could arrange something. I emailed previous bf and laid it on the line, told him straight that he was the reason we couldn't work, nothing else. Sometimes, unfortunately you have to be straight with people. I would take back 1st bf in a moment. 2nd bf nice, but I do prefer 1st. Haven't said anything to 2nd bf, but I think he knows my feelings are nowhere near as intense. Not 2nd bf's fault, if I'd started seeing him first and not met 1st bf, 2nd bf would've been the pick. Can't help the way I feel. I like 2nd bf, I really do, but at the moment, can't commit.

[Anony18]

Hi @pip

I been in your position a few years back. Dated my ex who was from Ireland for years. I even went to UK to work to be closer to him and we had plans that he would come to Oz given there was no jobs in Ireland for either of us. Even said I could support him for a bit til he found something. He made all these promises and even as I return continue to say he would book his flights over. Then he said he couldn't take the risk. If your ex or "there" bf wanted you then agree that he would figure out how make it work. Especially since you said you be the one willing to move. 

Understand how hard it is that you still would prob take him back in a moment. I would too given feelings still linger and memories of good times. However with time they will fade and eventually you will be ready to commit.

Out of curiosity - Does bf 2 know about email from bf 1?