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GeminiLion
Senior Contributor

GeminiRoar: Artie Fartie Loneliness

So apparently there are around a dozen artists working on a street art project to rejuvenate the city heart. I learnt about this, this morning via the newspaper. I had always suggested and argued for such an idea for a few years, and now it has finally become a reality. Although they don’t mention “street art" (which what it really is) preferring to call it “murals" (could be just media lack of education too I suppose). No one told me about it happening. And I would have LOVED! to been involved (although it is to be completed by end of June after a numerous weeks of work already so its most likely too late to get involved). So, I got the courage and ask online via Facebook but seemly I have been ignored, that I eventually just deleted my posting (I felt rejected not getting an answer when other got correspondence). I suppose I wouldn’t have the time to commit now anyway, as I’m too busy for an award show before end of June.

 

I have always found it a case of who you know and defiantly not what you know in my town.

 

It is not the first time my idea has been stolen. I have been very seriously hurt in the past. Like “really badly hurt” where others have profited off my projects without acknowledgment of me. Including my unique NEIS business project stolen, leaving me in gutter while others awarded themselves. It is a who you know town. That is just one of the worst examples of many occasions where I have been robbed and hurt. Memories are flooding back reminding myself why I must ALWAYS say nothing.

 

I suppose I just got to keep to myself. Keep my ideas to myself. Fund my own projects. Don't even bother about council approval – just do it knowing you are making the local place better and not worse.

 

I am keeping my identity on a local fb page as admin secret. I like it that way. Because I feel my name might jeopardies the page.

 

I try and be involved in groups but get rejected. I don’t know why I was never informed about life drawing this year (did I do something wrong??). I have been told to reapply to volunteer now a new management has taken over at the local public gallery, but I've now since move on (I came back from overseas and told to reapply rather than be roster on as expected then kept getting rejected, yet! they kept asking for volunteers)

In other words, I feel rejected. I have tried techniques in school to make friends and was rejected. Why am I always being outcast?? Back then, it was the library or art room. Today it is my tiny unit.

 

I don't believe I am ugly. I have no answers why I am constantly rejected. I can think of hundreds of eventful times of being rejected in different situations but yet I have no clue why. Not a clue.

 

Anyway, I have deleted my posting for information about the street art project. I probably should not have asked in first place. It will teach me for trying to be proactive. I just got to keep to myself. My artworks have better success in life than me.

 

Talking about artworks. I like to give myself a tough deadline. I scrap off my painting which I have been working on for the upcoming competition, because what I have been developing was weak student quality. The change seems to be more my style of hidden symbols and messages. Part realism elements yet overall post modern abstraction with 3-dimensional meaning on 2-dimensional surface. A blend of techniques which is unique for my region but not necessarily in the world of art of today. No point painting something a computer can do. A painting has to be what paintings are suppose to be in our technological modern era of mass communication. Most importantly I need the $3000 (I haven’t collected this particular win for a few years now, so I am overdue, but it’s a nearby local judge which isn’t helpful)

 

I was hesitant to scarp back weeks of work (although I wasn’t enthusiastically engaged anyway). But I am now relieve seeing a much more promising proper artwork emerge than something which was compositionally and methodologically amateurish before.

 

I hate being alone but I have my cat and I care for dad and his cat. I do worry about what my future holds after dad. I want to experience belonging, relationships, that other people take for granted. I have no experience and it feel its way too late for me now. It hurts being a reject.

2 REPLIES 2

Re: GeminiRoar: Artie Fartie Loneliness

Hello- @GeminiLion - I really enjoyed your post , listening to you speak about your art is very interesting & inspiring-
I know exactly what you mean about who you know in the art world-& I think that definitely goes where I am living in Australia- it is really shit - you can enter a competition & have a piece that is blowing everyone else out of the way- but someone who is on the right side of the people who run the show will win& get credits & awards & amazing pieces are left behind & ignored when there is clearly no comparison at all- I also love to use hidden messages, layers, depth& nuances, stories within stories- whereas some of the other pieces were very flat, one dimensional & boring- I am also most interested in creating street art, urban art, lowbrow art as it just appeals to me.
I would love to check out your art sometime- is it on your anonymous FB page?
As for class situations- I did not enjoy those at all- they were ego maniac minefields & if you have a scrap of talent in your little finger you get bullied, passive aggressive & outright , mind games played & just generally unpleasant environment from a lot of people-( not all)- simply because they are jealous- even the teachers & staff- from my experience.
Iv had my work tampered with, gone missing & not been included in community/group activities just like you yourself have described- been excluded etc..to the point it took such a negative impact on my mental health-& the whole reason I was going was to improve my mental health to begin with- but I had to stop because of how I was being treated.
Are you familiar with the Miami Street Art scene Community ? I have followed a few ppl from there for a few years now & the way they are all inclusive of every artist, the way they support & encourage & have each other's backs & try to collab & build each other up- I have always been sooo jealous of! It looks AMAZING! 😍 In Australia it is Tall Poppy Syndrome- even my art teacher who has had extensive studying & education & is amazing & brilliant enters the big competitions & she has said EXACTLY what you have said its who you know! & she doesn't get anywhere year after year- it is extremely discouraging & just makes you want to give up- because there is no point- when you put your heart & soul- blood- sweat & tears into your piece & work from morning to night - without stopping to eat or toilet- because you are in the zone-till you are completely shattered- end up with bodily injuries- IV got to the point where IV just given up.
In other areas of your life if you are being left out & it happens repeatedly- like it does to me also- try not to take it to personally- ( although I know how hard it is- for me also- easy to say tho)- I believe people are vibrating on different frequencies- especially as artists- you are tapping into the divine & drawing your information& creativity that you use in your work from the majical ethereal realm-& people can sense this & it reflects back onto them & they don't like your frequency because it is not the same as their own- I don't know if that makes any sense at all to you- but I know what I'm trying to say! 😂 Lol
Also if you are not ugly sometimes people are intimidated by good looking people- really unfortunate- especially if you are down to earth/& / or have no idea really how good looking you are & don't even take into consideration- & people are discounting you maybe this has something to do with it ?
Take care 😊

Re: GeminiRoar: Artie Fartie Loneliness

@Serenity1 I am aware of Miami Art Street scene. But I have yet to visit Miami. I deliberately go out of my way to see street art around the world. Even been involved. I found out more about what is happening here and its not at the scale I was imagining. I personally think why I was having trouble getting back on the volunteer roster  at local gallery was because the new management of the art museum felt threaten. Well... I would give anything to "work" in a public gallery. The comp I am entering next month ($3000 overall and $1000 for divisions non-acq) was questionable judging last year. The judge and the winner were best of buddies when the judge lived here. I don't have much confidence this year as its a judge from neighbouring city who knows artists here already. This year's archibald winner been controversial too because the artist is well known to the NSWAG committee that get the final say.  I've judge some comps or been on panel and I don't put artist I know ahead of others (I dont do it full stop. I have my criteria) Regards to my stunning looks lol. Im not ugly but not a stud either. Im average. Working on downfall areas (Im always looking for good deals from Myers or specialty stores), started regainne treatment as Im starting to get thin on top of my head back spot (Ive been very lucky to date as everyone else in my family is bald). Im finding the pain in my shoulder down my right arm getting in the way of painting but presisting. I one week to get this work done so it will dry. My works can be thick oils and you know how looong it takes for them to dry properly. 

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