Lived Experience Forum

[melq83]

hi everyone, 

So i went and saw my GP today and he has decided after talking with my shrink that it would be best to medicate me and see how things go. 

When my world first turned upside down at the end of march i had considered many of times about taking my own life, but after talking things through with my shrink, GP and partner i knew it wouldnt be fair on the kids and my partner. i guess it is a bandaid for my real issues and even though it would fix it for me, it would effect the kids long term. 

But things took a bad turn for me last week and since this happened i keep dreaming of sitting at my own furneral and watching those around me say goodbye, i also feel like the other voice inside my head is pushing me to do the unthinkable. Has anyone else with DID or similar had an experience like this? I told my GP today that i cant see myself doing it but in saying that i couldnt control the other voice making me believe things as deep as it did for the last 5 yrs either but it happened! 

Im feeling like my head is in an ok place these last few days, but i still have the same dream! 

Mel x 

[SleepyPanda]

Hi @melq83

Thank you for sharing your story.

I have found the following forum threads on DID here and here

And DID services here and here 

I hope the information is useful. 

Take care.

SleepyPanda

[Chamomile]

Hi @melq83,

This sounds frightening and very hard to manage. Thank you for sharing your story and for reaching out. Following on from @SleepyPanda's suggestions, I thought this discussion thread on hearing voices might be helpful for you. It is more focussed on schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, but the general theme, of trying manage voices might be useful.

All the best,

Chamomile.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @melq83  Sleep can be a wonderful escape from the pressures of life.

Serious suicidal ideation that weaves itself into dreams is well beyond conscious control. Sorry to hear you suffering in this way. Please keep reaching out. I hope the meds help long term and posting about it on the forum brings some relief.

I also hear your determination to be there for your children.  There are ways to manage and get through this,

Take Care of YOU

[utopia]

@melq83. I hope the medication starts working for you soon. In the meantime, if it's getting to hard to ignore that voice, maybe a short stay in hospital might help you feel and be safe.